17 Ways to Appear to be in the Office While Actually Working from Home

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Friday, August 31st, 2007 @ 12:30 pm

I borrowed part of the title of this post from Wired's Wiki How-to but I thought their list was kinda crappy so I decided to make my own. I created the list below based off of what I've been told by my friend Trevor, an out-of-office ninja.

Trevor is always calling me from the beach or the lobby of a hotel (breaking rule 8 but it works for him), to show off his ninja skills and tempt me into joining him. Even though I've always been impressed by how successful Trevor is in evading the attendance police, I always pass. But, in the event that you are willing to take the risk, I've made a comprehensive list of his techniques.

I'd like to stress that creating the opportunity to work remotely without being noticed requires that you change your in-office habits and possibly even your office location. Think of it not as something you do every now and then, but as a lifestyle that many of your behaviors and decisions cater to.

Some things will likely be impossible for most people but I've included them as they are the optimal settings for being an out-of-office ninja. While some of these points mention getting caught and failing servers, these are just worst case scenarios that unfortunately must be addressed. The bottom line is, be prepared.

Requirements: VPN access, broadband, laissez-faire management

Culture Changes

1. Be a star worker and kick ass at everything you do. This helps in two ways: first, if you get caught, you likely won't be fired. Second, being a star makes your schedule less likely to be scrutinized.
2. Send your boss progress reports to let him or her know how awesome and busy you are. Do this when you are in the office. It will make you feel accomplished and give you the confidence to work from home without permission.
3. Try to work at a branch office if possible. Branch office managers tend to be more lenient and aloof. Also, If you can physically separate yourself from your immediate boss, that is beneficial.
4. If given the freedom to decide where you would like your office to be, always select the area with the least foot traffic. This way, fewer people will notice when you aren't around. It's also better all around because there are fewer distractions when you are in the office.
5. Find ways to encourage your colleagues and boss to call you on your cell phone rather than your direct line, even if your office phone has an Out of Office feature. That way, they won't be suspicious if you need to call them from your cell phone.
6. Live near work. In the event that you must return to the office, being an hour away makes it harder to quickly reappear.
7. Embrace events where you must work from home and let key people know that you have done so. For instance, say a server or service goes down at 8:00AM and, while you don't have to report to work until 9:00AM, you are paged and must bring the server back up remotely. Bring the server back up, take a shower and e-mail the receptionist to let him or her know that you will be late because you were working from home, responding to an emergency. CC your boss and address him or her directly in the e-mail so that the receptionist will see you are legitimately allowed work from home.

Execution

8. First thing is first, WORK from HOME. Work - don't watch TV or take a 2 hour nap. And don't go to an environment that you can't control. In the event that you are remotely working to bring up a failing app or database, it would be a nightmare if you were forced to relocate from the hotel lobby/restaurant/coffee shop for whatever reason mid-way through. It would also be unfortunate if your boss' forwarded call (see #9) to your cell phone and a baby were to start yelling in the background.
9. Explore all the Call Mode features on your office phone and forward all calls to your cell phone if possible. Out of Office features are generally more robust than simple Forward/External Assignment features. If your office phones suck for forwarding, get your colleagues in the habit of calling your cell phone. If forwarding is impossible, you may be in trouble. Perhaps you can ask your coworkers to contact you first via e-mail before trying to call. That way, you can call them back.
10. Try to route your office calls so that whoever you are calling can't tell that you are dialing from your cell phone. Calling the front desk and getting transferred instead of dialing directly sometimes helps the system "lose" your number.
11. Check your e-mail often and reply promptly. This helps to prove you were working in the event you get caught.
12. Never lie. Ever. But think on your feet when answering questions such as "Where are you?" The answer "Working." followed by some distracting conversation will often suffice. For instance: "Working. I tried to contact Roger about the TPS reports but I'm still waiting for his response. Meanwhile, I decided I'm going to call the printer company to see if the warranty covers complete destruction by bat. Do you have their number by chance?"
13. Never lie. This is worth repeating. Lying is dumb and gets people fired. If your company requires you to check in with a receptionist, let the receptionist know that you are not at your desk but are working and can be contacted via phone and e-mail. While vague, it's truthy.
14. Buy a Jawbone bluetooth headset to make your cell phone conversation sound like you are at the office. In the event that you must hop on a bus or in your car to rush down to the office (because you live nearby..right?), the Jawbone can make it sound as though you are sitting quietly at your desk. The Jawbone is incredible in non-emergencies as well -- it uses military technology and the vibrations of your jaw to distinguish between your voice and background noise. I use it daily during my loud bus/walk commute. The Jawbone's only downfall is its extreme inability to block the wind.
15. Buy a Sprint EVDO card and subscribe to their Mobile Broadband Network. The service is $60/mo and while my employer pays for mine, I would absolutely pay out of pocket for this gem. Srsly, I use it all the time. I went without it for 8 or 9 months while I suffered with a Rev A Macbook and life was not as fun. So how does it benefit you, as a disappearing telemagician? Well, wherever you are, you can access your employer's network remotely. Granted, this breaks a prior rule but sometimes it's necessary to not be at home.
16. Use Remote Desktop and VPN to connect to your office workstation and work directly from there. Answering e-mails from mobile devices or even corporate web-based clients (such as Outlook Web Access) can change your fonts/overall presentation and even give away your remote IP. Automatically attaching signatures such as "Sent from my Blackberry" can also be avoided by answering e-mail directly from your workstation. If you work with Unix, your remote IP can be exposed and your habit can be tracked. But you knew already that 'cuz you work with Unix.
17. Set limits. If you find that your strategies are wildly successful, you may be tempted to start abusing them. Avoid the temptation -- don't work from home more than twice a week. People will start to notice your absence and may even start to ask if you work part-time.

While the above have helped Trevor successfully avoid detection, you may find yourself not as lucky. If you get caught, immediately own up to what you've done. Have some reasons prepared and focus on your positive performances executed both in and out of the office.

If ever you tire of the stress induced by illegitimately working from home, pick up the book Secrets of Power Negotiating by Roger Dawson and use it create a memo asking for permission to work from home, starting on a temporary basis. As Dawson's book will teach you, focus on how the company will benefit from your telecommuting and how successful other companies have been with their implementations. If you live in California, or another progressive state, feel free to mention how beneficial teleworking is to the environment. Unless you work at a 100+ year old law firm, this may just work for you.

SQL Server DTS: Dynamically Change Source and Destination in Transform Data Task

Filed under: SQL Server — Written by Chrissy on Friday, August 24th, 2007 @ 6:32 am

I really wish I had more experience with DTS and SSIS (Replication, Clustering, Hardcore HA too), especially since I've been a DBA for 8 years. I bought the Wrox book "Professional SQL Server 2000 DTS" years ago hoping that one day I'd be making 50-step DTS packages but I never had the need. Today, I finished a whopping 5-step package. Creating it took a few hours more than I expected because of an issue with the Data Task not appearing to execute within a loop.

Here's the scenario:

I need to export data from an application database that resides in each of our 6 offices. The query is the same for each city and pretty much the only things that change are the filenames (ex. cityabbr-prepdata.csv) and the names of the database servers (ex. cityabbr-SQL).

At first, I created a package using the Import and Export Wizard and I was saving them to each server, then I felt silly. There had to be a better way. I knew I needed to loop through the package a few times and after searching, I found this super helpful page at SQLDTS.com: Looping, Importing and Archiving.

So I started with the base package created by the Import and Export Wizard.

Then I renamed the two connections. Since the DTS Editor doesn't directly allow renaming of the package, I had to go to the Properties of each connection, select New Connection -> [Enter New Name] -> OK -> OK.

Next, I added three new ActiveX Script Tasks. One set the global variables, one changed the data sources (source sql server, destination text file) and one created the loop. The code for each was as
follows:

Set Globals Script

'**********************************************************************
'  Set Globals Script
'**********************************************************************
Function Main()
  DTSGlobalVariables("strCities").Value = "SD,SF,LA,DM,IR,RS"  'String because I'm not sure if GlobalVariables can do arrays
  arrCity = split(DTSGlobalVariables("strCities").Value,",") ' We will use a split to turn string into array
  DTSGlobalVariables("looptimes").Value =  ubound(arrCity) 'How many times to loop?
 
  DTSGlobalVariables("counter").Value = 0 'Since arrays start at 0, start counter at 0
 
  Main = DTSTaskExecResult_Success
End Function

Set City Script

'**********************************************************************
'  Set City Script
'**********************************************************************
Function Main()
  arrCity = split(DTSGlobalVariables("strCities").Value,",")
  i = DTSGlobalVariables("counter").Value
 
  'Change Source SQL Server
  Set objSQLConn = DTSGlobalVariables.Parent.Connections("Source SQL Server")
  objSQLConn.DataSource = arrCity(i) & "-SQL"
  Set objSQLConn = Nothing
 
  'Change Destination Text File
  Set objTextConn = DTSGlobalVariables.Parent.Connections("Destination Text File")
  objTextConn.DataSource = "C:\sqlexports" & arrCity(i) & "-prepdata.txt"
  Set objTextConn = Nothing
 
  Main = DTSTaskExecResult_Success
End Function

Create Loop (back to City Script)

'**********************************************************************
'  Create Loop (by resetting status of Set City Script)
'  Check name of Set City Script by Right Clicking on Set City Script
'  -> Workflow -> Workflow Properties -> Options -> Name
'**********************************************************************
Function Main()
  strNameOfTask = "DTSStep_DTSActiveScriptTask_2"
 
  If DTSGlobalVariables("counter").Value < DTSGlobalVariables("looptimes").Value Then
    Set objPackage = DTSGlobalVariables.Parent
    objPackage.Steps(strNameOfTask).ExecutionStatus = DTSStepExecStat_Waiting
  End if
 
  DTSGlobalVariables("counter").Value = DTSGlobalVariables("counter").Value + 1
 
  Main = DTSTaskExecResult_Success
End Function

It took me forever to figure out the DTS name of the "Set City" ActiveX Script. I included the instructions within the Create Loop script but feel it's worth repeating. To get the name of a DTS ActiveX script for use with DTSGlobalVariables.Parent, right click on ActiveX Script -> Workflow -> Workflow Properties -> Options -> Name. The description (what we see as the name) won't suffice.

So what problem did I spend hours trying to figure out? Well, when the package was executed, it only wrote C:\sqlexports\sd-prepdata.csv. I debugged it a bit and found that it was definintely looping, and the data sources were changing, and the Transform Data Task was executing (as confirmed by a Msgbox successfully invoked in an ActiveX script within the tasks' workflow) yet only one file was being output(ted).

After poking around for awhile, I tried checking the "Close connection on completion" box under the task's workflow option and sure enough, that's what worked.

Yay, now to treat myself to a piping hot lunch.

DBAs: What Do You Do When Major Installations Require Sysadmin Access?

Filed under: Tech Stuff — Written by Chrissy on Friday, August 17th, 2007 @ 2:30 am

This is driving me absolutely crazy. For the 80th time, I'm required to create a user and give it the sysadmin role. I *have* to do this because the software is business critical (Blackberry Enterprise Server, Interwoven DMS) and installs will fail without it. With some software, I can temporarily grant access the take it away once the installation is complete. With others (such as SharePoint 2007) I can temporarily grant the account Database Creator and Security Admin roles then remove that once the install is complete. However, with Interwoven DMS, if I attempt to give the account *every* role except sa, the software will fail to do anything. Using SQL Profiler, I can see that the Interwoven logs in, checks to see if its sa and if not, then it quits. I filed a bug with the vendor months ago but have not heard back.

To make matters worse, Interwoven pretended that other DBAs were able to get around granting the user sa access but then were unable to help me duplicate their procedures. Later on, Interwoven admitted giving the user anything other than sa access would break the app.

So .. I can't say no. All I can do is hope that their DB programmers are competent (which, if they require sa, are they really?) enough not to trash my servers or that filing bug reports will get the software vendors to fix the glaring security issues.

What do you do as a DBA when presented with this issue?

SHDH: I R GOIN. R U?

Filed under: Tech Stuff — Written by Chrissy on Saturday, August 11th, 2007 @ 3:30 am

For those of you living in the Bay Area, SuperHappyDevHouse is going on today. I'll likely make a late arrival after I pick up my broken server in San Jose.

WTF is SHDH, you ask? "DevHouse is not a marketing event. It's a non-exclusive event intended for passionate and creative technical people that want to have some fun, learn new things, and meet new people. In this way, we're trying to resurrect the spirit of the Homebrew Computer Club. We also draw inspiration from the demoscene as one of the only intentional getting-things-done computer events in the world."

Last time I was there, I met the Chairman of the EFF and the guy who put the dot in dotcom, Brad Templeton.


Sweet

I also met a couple other people whom I now hang out on a semi-regular basis to drink (matt) and make pizza (ross). I Y the Bay Area.

My Awesome New Ride: A Kent Super Scooter

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Thursday, August 2nd, 2007 @ 8:11 am

Recently, I contemplated getting a Vespa again but decided, instead, to stick with my pretty but slow bicycle. My commute is about 2 miles but using San Francisco's public transportation, generally takes 26 minutes from door to door. Too long! I can get there on my bike in 16 minutes but I have to drive in traffic, wear a helmet, find parking and lock my bike up. The parking/locking takes about 10 minutes or more, pushing me right back to 26+ minutes.

So I was on CalTrain, going down to the colocation center AGAIN because my server has bad memory and crashed on a daily basis, and I noticed a commuter with a Xootr. Ouuu! A Razor for adults. It had bigger wheels, a sleeker look, was light and folded into a tiny pile. I wanted to know where I could find in in San Francisco so I used my awesome Sprint Mobile Broadband (Thanks Luce!) to get online and I checked out the prices. $260. Wow, 1/10th the price of a Vespa and with no DMV fees, Insurance costs and Class M license requirement. I'm sold! So I put my laptop to sleep and began to fall asleep myself.

As I was about to start dreaming, I remembered my FAVORITE CHILDHOOD BIKE-THING, the Kent Super Scooter. Mannnn, did I drive that all around the rural streets of Louisiana. That scooter was awesome..it had brakes and some small bicycle wheels. Yet was so light (18 lbs which feels like nothing on wheels) and fun. They were all the rage. If you grew up in America and are around 30, I bet you had one too.


Mine was blue and white JUST LIKE THAT! Could I still fit on this thing? Will it fit my size W9.5 foot? Wow, only $60 on Amazon?! I'm buying TWO! One for me, one for my friend's kid who calls me Nanna Crumble. She's just about the age I was when I got my Kent Super Awesome Scooter and her birthday is coming up.

So I temporarily signed up for Amazon prime and got $30 in free shipping. While Prime came with free 2nd-day, the magically scooter got here overnight (just like my Litter Robot :D)And guess what? My foot totally fits! I have a size 8 in men's and would guess that this could do a good 9.5 or so.

San Franciscans should consider buying this scooter. It's so light and the hand brakes are especially useful here. It's really easy to hop on and off while navigating through busy sidewalks. I even took it on Muni (the J) with me. You can park it in your office and safely ride on the sidewalk. And.. people love it. On the way home, I got stopped by adults and kids like 4 times wanting to know more about the scooter.

Now I just gotta find cool stickers to put all over it. I'll start at unamerican.com. I'm also looking into modifying the handlebars to come up a little higher. I saw the perfect set (tall yet thin) at the Bike Hut at Pier 40 but it wasn't for sale :| Riding the scooter requires that I bend my knees anyway but I'd still like to see what it would be like with taller handlebars.

So if you are a commuter in a metropolitan area or a parent looking to give an awesome gift, consider getting a Super Scooter. No, this isn't a paid advertisement ;) I just think it's great that it's possible to still love riding this thing 18 years later.