If You Dropped Out of College...

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Friday, January 18th, 2008 @ 8:57 pm

For those of you who dropped out of college and want to finish your undergrad degree, you may want to consider the online university, Western Governors University. I'm sharing this on my blog because I actually shared the URL with many of my tech friends who dropped out. I found an ad for WGU in some tech magazine (maybe TechNet?) and it made me curious. Here's what I found:

  • Its accredited by the same org that accredits traditional universities (such as BYU), Northwest Commission on Colleges and Universities. It also earned some other national accreditation and was the first online and first non-traditional program to do so.
  • Members of Sun and HP are on the board of trustees and a ton of big companies are listed as corporate collaborators including AT&T, Cisco, Dell, Microsoft, Google, Oracle, Qwest, Sun and HP.
  • It's only about $5,000 or $6000 a year
  • The CEO of Google said: "Google has pioneered the idea of access to information. The reason Google thinks WGU is such a good idea is because WGU has pioneered the concept of competency- based education whenever you want it."
  • You get a bunch of certifications while you are at it.

WGU offers undergrad and graduate degrees in IS, teaching, nursing and business.

Another alternative for those wanting a Masters in IS is Carnegie Mellon's Distance Learning program. It seems pretty awesome.

17 Ways to Appear to be in the Office While Actually Working from Home

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Friday, August 31st, 2007 @ 12:30 pm

I borrowed part of the title of this post from Wired's Wiki How-to but I thought their list was kinda crappy so I decided to make my own. I created the list below based off of what I've been told by my friend Trevor, an out-of-office ninja.

Trevor is always calling me from the beach or the lobby of a hotel (breaking rule 8 but it works for him), to show off his ninja skills and tempt me into joining him. Even though I've always been impressed by how successful Trevor is in evading the attendance police, I always pass. But, in the event that you are willing to take the risk, I've made a comprehensive list of his techniques.

I'd like to stress that creating the opportunity to work remotely without being noticed requires that you change your in-office habits and possibly even your office location. Think of it not as something you do every now and then, but as a lifestyle that many of your behaviors and decisions cater to.

Some things will likely be impossible for most people but I've included them as they are the optimal settings for being an out-of-office ninja. While some of these points mention getting caught and failing servers, these are just worst case scenarios that unfortunately must be addressed. The bottom line is, be prepared.

Requirements: VPN access, broadband, laissez-faire management

Culture Changes

1. Be a star worker and kick ass at everything you do. This helps in two ways: first, if you get caught, you likely won't be fired. Second, being a star makes your schedule less likely to be scrutinized.
2. Send your boss progress reports to let him or her know how awesome and busy you are. Do this when you are in the office. It will make you feel accomplished and give you the confidence to work from home without permission.
3. Try to work at a branch office if possible. Branch office managers tend to be more lenient and aloof. Also, If you can physically separate yourself from your immediate boss, that is beneficial.
4. If given the freedom to decide where you would like your office to be, always select the area with the least foot traffic. This way, fewer people will notice when you aren't around. It's also better all around because there are fewer distractions when you are in the office.
5. Find ways to encourage your colleagues and boss to call you on your cell phone rather than your direct line, even if your office phone has an Out of Office feature. That way, they won't be suspicious if you need to call them from your cell phone.
6. Live near work. In the event that you must return to the office, being an hour away makes it harder to quickly reappear.
7. Embrace events where you must work from home and let key people know that you have done so. For instance, say a server or service goes down at 8:00AM and, while you don't have to report to work until 9:00AM, you are paged and must bring the server back up remotely. Bring the server back up, take a shower and e-mail the receptionist to let him or her know that you will be late because you were working from home, responding to an emergency. CC your boss and address him or her directly in the e-mail so that the receptionist will see you are legitimately allowed work from home.

Execution

8. First thing is first, WORK from HOME. Work - don't watch TV or take a 2 hour nap. And don't go to an environment that you can't control. In the event that you are remotely working to bring up a failing app or database, it would be a nightmare if you were forced to relocate from the hotel lobby/restaurant/coffee shop for whatever reason mid-way through. It would also be unfortunate if your boss' forwarded call (see #9) to your cell phone and a baby were to start yelling in the background.
9. Explore all the Call Mode features on your office phone and forward all calls to your cell phone if possible. Out of Office features are generally more robust than simple Forward/External Assignment features. If your office phones suck for forwarding, get your colleagues in the habit of calling your cell phone. If forwarding is impossible, you may be in trouble. Perhaps you can ask your coworkers to contact you first via e-mail before trying to call. That way, you can call them back.
10. Try to route your office calls so that whoever you are calling can't tell that you are dialing from your cell phone. Calling the front desk and getting transferred instead of dialing directly sometimes helps the system "lose" your number.
11. Check your e-mail often and reply promptly. This helps to prove you were working in the event you get caught.
12. Never lie. Ever. But think on your feet when answering questions such as "Where are you?" The answer "Working." followed by some distracting conversation will often suffice. For instance: "Working. I tried to contact Roger about the TPS reports but I'm still waiting for his response. Meanwhile, I decided I'm going to call the printer company to see if the warranty covers complete destruction by bat. Do you have their number by chance?"
13. Never lie. This is worth repeating. Lying is dumb and gets people fired. If your company requires you to check in with a receptionist, let the receptionist know that you are not at your desk but are working and can be contacted via phone and e-mail. While vague, it's truthy.
14. Buy a Jawbone bluetooth headset to make your cell phone conversation sound like you are at the office. In the event that you must hop on a bus or in your car to rush down to the office (because you live nearby..right?), the Jawbone can make it sound as though you are sitting quietly at your desk. The Jawbone is incredible in non-emergencies as well -- it uses military technology and the vibrations of your jaw to distinguish between your voice and background noise. I use it daily during my loud bus/walk commute. The Jawbone's only downfall is its extreme inability to block the wind.
15. Buy a Sprint EVDO card and subscribe to their Mobile Broadband Network. The service is $60/mo and while my employer pays for mine, I would absolutely pay out of pocket for this gem. Srsly, I use it all the time. I went without it for 8 or 9 months while I suffered with a Rev A Macbook and life was not as fun. So how does it benefit you, as a disappearing telemagician? Well, wherever you are, you can access your employer's network remotely. Granted, this breaks a prior rule but sometimes it's necessary to not be at home.
16. Use Remote Desktop and VPN to connect to your office workstation and work directly from there. Answering e-mails from mobile devices or even corporate web-based clients (such as Outlook Web Access) can change your fonts/overall presentation and even give away your remote IP. Automatically attaching signatures such as "Sent from my Blackberry" can also be avoided by answering e-mail directly from your workstation. If you work with Unix, your remote IP can be exposed and your habit can be tracked. But you knew already that 'cuz you work with Unix.
17. Set limits. If you find that your strategies are wildly successful, you may be tempted to start abusing them. Avoid the temptation -- don't work from home more than twice a week. People will start to notice your absence and may even start to ask if you work part-time.

While the above have helped Trevor successfully avoid detection, you may find yourself not as lucky. If you get caught, immediately own up to what you've done. Have some reasons prepared and focus on your positive performances executed both in and out of the office.

If ever you tire of the stress induced by illegitimately working from home, pick up the book Secrets of Power Negotiating by Roger Dawson and use it create a memo asking for permission to work from home, starting on a temporary basis. As Dawson's book will teach you, focus on how the company will benefit from your telecommuting and how successful other companies have been with their implementations. If you live in California, or another progressive state, feel free to mention how beneficial teleworking is to the environment. Unless you work at a 100+ year old law firm, this may just work for you.

My Awesome New Ride: A Kent Super Scooter

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Thursday, August 2nd, 2007 @ 8:11 am

Recently, I contemplated getting a Vespa again but decided, instead, to stick with my pretty but slow bicycle. My commute is about 2 miles but using San Francisco's public transportation, generally takes 26 minutes from door to door. Too long! I can get there on my bike in 16 minutes but I have to drive in traffic, wear a helmet, find parking and lock my bike up. The parking/locking takes about 10 minutes or more, pushing me right back to 26+ minutes.

So I was on CalTrain, going down to the colocation center AGAIN because my server has bad memory and crashed on a daily basis, and I noticed a commuter with a Xootr. Ouuu! A Razor for adults. It had bigger wheels, a sleeker look, was light and folded into a tiny pile. I wanted to know where I could find in in San Francisco so I used my awesome Sprint Mobile Broadband (Thanks Luce!) to get online and I checked out the prices. $260. Wow, 1/10th the price of a Vespa and with no DMV fees, Insurance costs and Class M license requirement. I'm sold! So I put my laptop to sleep and began to fall asleep myself.

As I was about to start dreaming, I remembered my FAVORITE CHILDHOOD BIKE-THING, the Kent Super Scooter. Mannnn, did I drive that all around the rural streets of Louisiana. That scooter was awesome..it had brakes and some small bicycle wheels. Yet was so light (18 lbs which feels like nothing on wheels) and fun. They were all the rage. If you grew up in America and are around 30, I bet you had one too.


Mine was blue and white JUST LIKE THAT! Could I still fit on this thing? Will it fit my size W9.5 foot? Wow, only $60 on Amazon?! I'm buying TWO! One for me, one for my friend's kid who calls me Nanna Crumble. She's just about the age I was when I got my Kent Super Awesome Scooter and her birthday is coming up.

So I temporarily signed up for Amazon prime and got $30 in free shipping. While Prime came with free 2nd-day, the magically scooter got here overnight (just like my Litter Robot :D)And guess what? My foot totally fits! I have a size 8 in men's and would guess that this could do a good 9.5 or so.

San Franciscans should consider buying this scooter. It's so light and the hand brakes are especially useful here. It's really easy to hop on and off while navigating through busy sidewalks. I even took it on Muni (the J) with me. You can park it in your office and safely ride on the sidewalk. And.. people love it. On the way home, I got stopped by adults and kids like 4 times wanting to know more about the scooter.

Now I just gotta find cool stickers to put all over it. I'll start at unamerican.com. I'm also looking into modifying the handlebars to come up a little higher. I saw the perfect set (tall yet thin) at the Bike Hut at Pier 40 but it wasn't for sale :| Riding the scooter requires that I bend my knees anyway but I'd still like to see what it would be like with taller handlebars.

So if you are a commuter in a metropolitan area or a parent looking to give an awesome gift, consider getting a Super Scooter. No, this isn't a paid advertisement ;) I just think it's great that it's possible to still love riding this thing 18 years later.

I Thought It Was a Little Quiet…

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Thursday, June 14th, 2007 @ 4:27 pm

Sorry if you wrote via e-mail or left a comment in the past month or so and I didn't respond. I made a DNS change, broke stuff and consequently wasn't notified of any new comments or e-mails. I promise to respond when I get a chance. The DNS change also broke Akismet so I've gotta sift through about 2500 spams too.. nasty.

How I Learned to Deal with My Sweet, Elderly & Newly Epileptic Cat

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Monday, April 30th, 2007 @ 8:18 pm

My beloved 17 year old cat named KITTY II has been with me since I was in middle school and I'm now approaching 30. That's actually more than half of my life. As old as she is, she still looks young, a trait that runs in my family ;). Here's Kitty starring in a poorly Photoshopped (her right eye was too bright) picture:

Kitty is still energetic and vocal -- super vocal. I now keep a pair of ear plugs by the bed because she likes waking up at odd hours to yowl like she's dying. If I yell her name, she suddenly goes from Death Meow to innocent kitten meow; it's really unnerving. Kitty lives with me now but she didn't last year when I had a high school friend, Mel, take care of her for a while. Kitty enjoyed the stylings of a large family home in Oceanside, complete with a backyard and koi pond while I worked things out with my apartment.

One day when Mel was taking care of Kitty, I received a call from her saying that she thought Kitty was dying. Apparently, Kitty did this weird thing where she fell on her side, "ran in place, feet in the air" and peed everywhere for about 30 seconds. When she stopped doing that, she woke up dazed, cried out when went eat tuna like nothing happened. My heart sank, I really thought Kitty was gonna go soon and did what I could to visit more even though I lived in San Francisco. I learned at some point that Kitty was having a classic seizures and that elderly cats could live for years with them.

A few months later, I was able to take Kitty back and I immediately took her to the vet to see what could be done. They ran a good $1100 worth of tests and found nothing that could be causing the seizures. That likely meant it was adult-onset epilepsy or a brain tumor. If it was a brain tumor, I wasn't going to try to artificially extend her life so I figured it didn't matter what was causing it, as long as it wasn't something that was preventable.

The first time I saw Kitty have a seizure, it had such a bad impact on me that I called in sick to work; I was a mess. It was about the most awful thing ever. She was sleeping on my pillow and the alarm went off, apparently, loud repetitive noises trigger her seizures, and she started going crazy on the bed. I could see every muscle tense and pee was flying everywhere. I tried to cover my eyes so not see it but I could still feel her shaking the bed. My poor friend, I felt so bad.

(more...)

Jon Brumi & Laughing Squid are Freakin Awesome (BYOBW07)

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Monday, April 9th, 2007 @ 11:28 am

Yesterday, while eating and drinking in North Beach SF, I stumbled upon an event put on byJon Brumit called "Bring Your Own Big Wheel." What a trip :-D Imagine adults, dressed up as super heros and other oddities, racing big wheels down a very steep, very windey road. There were a ton of wipe-outs and scrapes but everyone laughed it off and was proud to show their bruises. This event was non-stop fun.

   
Photos by "Scott Beale / Laughing Squid"

I'd post the video I made but my laughter is out of control so instead, here's someone else's:

My collection of photos can be found on flickr.

Edit: Originally I thought the event was put on by Scott Beale of Laughing Squid but as it turns out, the organizer is Jon Brumit. Oops .. but the title stays, Laughing Squid is still awesome ;)

Zipcar is Awesome

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Friday, March 23rd, 2007 @ 9:42 pm

I've got another final due tomorrow, is it obvious I'm procrastinating? But seriously, if your city has Zipcar and you don't have wheels, I highly recommend using their service. I chose them over CityCarShare and FlexCar and I've been really satisfied. Just last weekend, I rented a Volvo for 2 days and safely headed up to Napa. Tomorrow, I'm renting a Mazda 3 and using it to get to Stanford and back (and my employer is footin' the bill!).

Zipcar has both hourly rates ($8.75-13) and day rates ($65-95) and all of the rates include insurance and gas. Access to the car is granted via a membership card that's somehow connected to satellites. When you swipe your card on the designated area, it communicates with the company's dbs, finds out if you've reserved the car and, if so, unlocks the doors. From there, the key is hangin out and you plug in and go. So far, I've driven a couple Prius(es), some Mazdas, a convertible Musky-stang, a Volvo, those funky looking Scion xB's and now I've got my eye on their Mini rentals. All of the cars have XM radio too which is cool.

Their setup is incredible, everything is automated, even reporting a dirty car. One time, some crazy person left a bunch of bird seed and some feathers in the backseat. I didn't want to be charged for that mess so I called, pressed like 5,4,2 & left a message. Everything was taken care of and I didn't even talk to anyone.

I was looking up something on the FAQ's today and came across this.. I love their style.

Can I smoke in a Zipcar?

No, never.* That's a bit like asking if you can take a knife to the leather or pour milk in the CD player — also no's. Smoking damages our Zipcars and can impact the health of other members who may be allergic to it. And aside from the guilt of having potentially harmed the lungs of another Zipster, we'll charge you for the cost of cleaning the car to make it completely smoke free.

*Oh, holding a cigarette outside the car while driving is STILL considered smoking in the car. There are members (maybe even the allergic ones) who will report fellow users for doing these things. Just sayin'.

They some knee slappers, them. Ohh my servers are here, time to pick them up!

The Things In My Swiss Army Backpack

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Saturday, January 13th, 2007 @ 11:13 pm

I've got two 10 page papers to write by Wednesday so I figure there's no better time to write a post about the things you can find in my Swiss Synergy backpack. This backpack is rather large but its size often comes in handy (grocery store trips and school finals come to mind). I used to value micro sized bags but living the portable life I do in San Francisco requires something a little bigger. So, to follow the format of my Software I Use Daily post...

Electronics

  • The Sony Ericsson w600i
    My three cell phone requirements include: great responsiveness, small size and usable keys. I found all of these in a Sony w600i. I thought the phone was pretty cool when I first saw it but never expected the number of responses I've received when using it.

    This phone does just about everything; it's an alarm clock, a flashlight, a hand-held gaming device, a camera, an appointment reminder, a chick magnet, a radio, an mp3 player and the best way to see when my next train is coming (using the browser and nextbus.com). The interface is attractive and easy to use and I've only got a few small complaints about the phone as a whole:

    1. If you use the USB cable, you are at risk of an irrepairable 'white screen of death.' It happened to me and I was without a phone for about 3 days (thankfully, Skype was still free at the time). Using bluetooth is a slower but safer method of file transfer.
    2. It can't be charged using the provided USB cable
    3. You need to use a sorta annoying adapter to plug into headphones.

    One of the things I love about the w600 is its ability to set any sized mp3 as a ringtone. Right now, when people call, my phone starts jammin the high quality Cajun beats. The reception is also top notch.

  • The Western Digital 120 GB Passport
    I bought this hard drive at buy.com for a measly $80! It's USB powered and pocket sized. The encryption software that came on it kinda sucked so I wiped it and used TrueCrypt to encrypt the entire thing. Awesomeness.
  • Mio GPS
    My BFF, Brandon, got me this GPS for Christmas! I used it on a daily basis while vacationing in Louisiana; I even used it on the flight back home. It's got a day and night mode and a huge "point of interest" database that even found my favorite restaurant, Hebert's Steakhouse in Kaplan, Louisiana. Here in San Francisco, I use the Mio's pedestrian mode to find nearby sushi places and walk to them. If only Muni bus routes were programmed in there too...
  • Bose TriPort Headphones
    Audiophiles often diss Bose but I compared these to a few others and they were incredibly crisp. I use them while on the bus/subway and on the airplane; they fit snugly over my ears and earplugs.
  • Microsoft Wireless USB Mouse
    I'm on my second one.. I used the first one so much but it broke it after spilling raspberry mocha all over it. Once my awesome girlfriend saw my distraughtness, she gave me hers!
  • Apple Macbook
    I won't be making this mistake again.. I knew buying an Apple Rev A product was risky but this just sucks. This laptop looks great and is fast as hell but it's recurring fan issues make me want to hasten next year's budgeted laptop purchase. I'm considering, strangly enough, purchasing a Fujitsu laptop. It's not the most popular brand, but I had one in 2003 and it was one of my favorite laptops.

Other Stuff

  • Mighty Leaf Vanilla Bean Black Tea
    A delicious source of on-the-go caffiene. Just add hot water.
  • Tide-to-Go
    This stuff seriously works! I've used it to remove coffee from my khakis and soy sauce from my prized puffy vest. Everyone always asks if it works when I bust it out and I always enthusiastically answer yes.
  • My Student ID
    I'm currently a senior at the University of San Francisco and I LOVE it. I'll be graduating in December with a BSc in Information Science. The program is geared towards working adults and so I only have to get my butt to class once a week (and some Saturdays). All of my classes are pre-set and each semester, my advisor contacts ME to tell me how far along I am with my degree and provides me with an audit. There's no guesswork involved and thus no question as to whether my application for graduation will have problems. Also, USF automatically registers me for class.. all I really do is pay tuition (a hefty amount), show up and do my homework.

    During the past year that I have been in school, I've also figured out how to properly explain Information Science to non-computer people. I tell them "Computer Engineering deals with computer hardware. Computer Science deals with computer software. Information Science deals with the data and information that utilizes computer hardware and software." Now to figure out how to simply explain the title "Database Administrator."

  • My Zipcar Zipcard
    When not using my Chevrolegs to walk around the city, I rent fun-to-drive cars by the hour or by the day at zipcar.com. Of all the car-share programs I evaluated, I liked this one the best. The rates are $8.50/hr or $65/day and that includes gas and insurance.
  • Huggies-Wipes-To-Go
    I once had a friend who always carried around a spoon and a blanket. I asked him why and he said "You'd be surprised how many times these things come in handy." Same thing goes for these wipes on the go. Not only is it a great TP replacement for the times that the stall you're in has just run out but it also effectively cleans the mystery stuff you just put your hand in while riding the bus.
  • Floss
    Popcorn. Enough said.
  • Persol Sunglasses.
    My lady companion got me these for Christmas. They're so sexy, they've earned me the nickname "Hollywood" at work.
  • Ear Plugs
    Great for blocking out crying children on planes and extreme volume sometimes found at dance clubs and movie theatres. Yep, I wear these things shamelessly at dance clubs. People laugh but I have the last laugh when I leave without diminished hearing! ;)
  • San Francisco Popout Map
    A fellow San Franciscan suggested I buy this pocket sized map of the city.. it's initial size is small but then it pops out to show the entire city. It even has some bus lines listed.. totally worth the 7 bucks.

Oh, and I can't fit them in my backpack, but if I could, I'd also carry around my web hosting provider, Simpli.biz. I initially chose Simpli because of their 100% Uptime Guarantee and I've stayed with them because their service is outstanding, they have great communication skills (and even keep a blog) and they refuse to outsource. If you are looking for colocated and dedicated hosting in the Bay Area, I highly recommend Simpli.

SUX: The War in Iraq

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Thursday, January 11th, 2007 @ 7:17 pm

In Dwight D. Eisenhower's Farewell Address to the Nation, he pleaded with the American people to "avoid the impulse to live only for today, plundering, for our own ease and convenience, the precious resources of tomorrow." He also acknowledged the existence and influence of a militaryindustrial complex on governmental policy noting that "we annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations." Eisenhower then advised that "only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together."

Fast forward less than 50 years later and America, with the support of a majority of its citizens, has invaded an oil-rich country for no less than 27 different reasons, none valid. To date, at least 60,426 lives have been lost and over $400,000,000,000 has been spent, much of it now in the pockets of profiteering corporations such as Halliburton, Bechtel and Exxon. What I don't understand is how we live in a country where school teachers are being forced to buy their students school supplies yet we can spend $400,000,000,000 on invading, destroying and unsuccessfully attempting to rebuild a country that is now a haven for terrorists, something which they find a reason to celebrate.

Four-hundred billion can put 31,259,768 Americans through their entire 4-year undergrad degree, including room and board, at a public university. That's even with the 28.4% increase in the cost of attending college since 2002, a figure primarily caused by reduced government funding. That's nearly TWICE the number of all students, including Internationals, that were enrolled at American unviersities in the year 2000. If we're talking strictly tuition and fees, the number of Americans that could potentially go to college for free jumps to 68,540,095. We can now only imagine the prosperity and access to education that money could have given us.

As for the loss of American soldiers, the Marine Corps Times put up a map of the hometowns of each of the 3018 American soldiers who have died in Iraq to date.

The southern-most red dot that you see in Southwest Louisiana is my hometown of Kaplan. Kaplan lost Toby Mallet, a friendly Cajun who died on April 9th, 2004 when he was just 26 years old. My homestate of Louisiana has lost an average of more than 1.5 people per 100,000.

In expressing my frustration to a high school friend, she said "Well, there's nothing we can do now, can we?" I think that what we can do is educate others in an effort to prevent the type of warmongering that was seen and heard so frequently in America circa early-2003. While most of the content on this blog is technical, I feel it's still a platform to help me do just that. Our government reps, including mine, Speaker Nancy Pelosi, must be made aware that their intial support of the Iraq War will not be forgotten. Please contact your Representative and your Senators to let them know how you feel the 400 billion could have been better spent.

Javascript: Sample Code

Filed under: General — Written by Chrissy on Tuesday, December 12th, 2006 @ 10:42 pm

I won't lie, anytime I need Javascript stuff done, I run to my best friend & fellow programmer, Brandon. We worked on this tonight.. it's some client side javascript ajaxish action. I'll be using it for some Remote Assistance stuff I'm doing. I'm putting it here mainly for my future reference on syntax and stuff as I'm a total noob on Javascript fundamentals.

Quick Code

<html>
<head>
<script TYPE="text/javascript" LANGUAGE="JavaScript">
function grabVars(whichOne)
{
    if (whichOne=='workstation')
    var url = "http://roux/workstation.htm";
    else
    var url = "http://localhost/server.html";
    //multiple lines would go between brackets
    //or you can change up the technique and do
    //var url = "http://roux/grabvars.asp?mode=" + whichOne;
    //but I wanted to throw in an if/else statement there
 
    var xmlhttp = new ActiveXObject("Microsoft.XMLHTTP");
    xmlhttp.open("GET", url, 0);
    xmlhttp.send();
    return(xmlhttp.responseText);
    var xmlhttp = null;
}
 
function printThis()
{
  document.open();
  document.write(grabVars('workstation'));
  document.close();
}
</script>
</head>
<body onLoad=printThis();></body>
</html>

One thing...if you attempt to use this code and you try to load up an URL on the Internet (ie. a fully qualified domain name) instead of a local server, you'll receive the error: msxml3.dll error '80070005' Access Denied. There's probably a fix but I'm only calling local servers so it's okay in my case.

Also, I did initially get an IE pop-up that asked me to approve Blocked Content so when I put this out on the Intranet, I'll have to ask for a GPO modification that enables "Allow active content to run in files on My Computer" (usually found in IE -> Tools -> Advanced Settings). Setting IE parameters in GPO, FYI, is set at Start -> Run -> gpedit.msc -> User Config -> Windows Settings -> Internet Explorer Maintenance -> Security -> Security Zones and Content Rating -> Import Current Settings.